What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?

There’s that old song that asks, “What are you doing New Year’s Eve?” It’s surprising how much angst can surround that question. All sorts of baggage seems to come with this “cheerful” holiday. There’s this idea that you need to be doing something uber glamorous, like sipping martinis in a sequin cocktail dress at someone’s loft in Soho and you’re pathetic if you’re spending the night at home with some movies and takeout. The secondary problem is that it’s incredibly pricey for those in search of those aforementioned glamorous parties. Every dive bar will jack up (or add on) door fees and make these fancy claims about “hors de oeuvres” and champagne thus charging you $75 per person for some nuts, cheap booze and the same horrible ambiance you could get for free any other day of the year. Then of course, there is the inevitable cost of taxis and car services if you don’t have a designated driver in your group.

Now if you are determined to head out into the wild for New Year’s, check Groupon.com and Livingsocial.com religiously. You’ll find some decent packages that will be a lot more bang for your buck. Try to get a decent sized group together—don’t go too big or that gets annoying and unwieldy. Four or Five is the right number. That way you can still share some public transport and there are enough people to make decisions (but not so many that the bickering takes over).

The best option for New Year’s is to go to a party that a friend is hosting. If you don’t have that option the next best thing is to host a small party yourself. The best part of it is that you won’t have to worry about getting home after a few too many margaritas. The first step will be to keep your party to a manageable size. A huge guest list is difficult for most spaces and most wallets. I’d keep your numbers in the neighborhood of ten. Try not to invite all couples and one single person. Keep your single guests in blocks of three. They’ll appreciate it.

Now that you have your guest list, let’s move on to the hosting portion of the evening. Since it’s a late night, let’s go with a menu of heavy appetizers (the kind that will match up with lots of cocktails). My suggestion for a fun and somewhat hip menu is to go retro. You’ll need to have a sense of humor (and style) to pull this one off appropriately but if you do everyone will have a great time. We’re going to go for whimsy and the nostalgia of childhood with a grown-up twist. You basically want to serve childhood favorites in adult ways. Let’s go with sliders—if you have a White Castle in your neighborhood, pick up a bunch and some orders of fries and arrange the burgers on cute platters or trays. Make little cones out of parchment paper or freezer paper and place into small cute glasses (also on tray) and place the fries in them. If you have leftover Christmas paper with a print that works for New Year’s you can use that as well. The freezer section also has large packs of White Castle burgers and bags of frozen fries that you can pop in your microwave or oven. Costco and BJs have these types of items in family packs and both places will typically give you a one day pass for free to try out their service. They are a great resource for hosting and many carry large bottles of alcohol at inexpensive prices. If you have the culinary prowess you can make the sliders yourself, just keep them small and cute. Another option is to go for McDonalds—just cut those burgers in half or quarters and use a little frilly toothpick on each one.

For another appetizer go with some mini grilled cheese sandwiches and mini peanut butter and jelly. Just get yourself a couple cute shaped cookie cutters and go to town. For grilled sandwiches you can prep these in advance and just thrown them on a George foreman grill or in a grill pan shortly before serving. You can also jazz up the peanut butter and jelly by substituting Nutella or using more unique jams. (Or if you were one of *those* kids, make some fluffernutters.)

A trip to childhood wouldn’t be complete without some chicken nuggets. Again, you can whip these up yourself, pick up a few frozen bags, or go the fast food route. Just get a couple dipping sauces and arrange on a platter. For some veggies how about ants-on-a-log? Get creative with the theme—think of your fave childhood items and dress them up a bit.

You’ll want to include lots of retro junk food and it will be all about the displaying of it. Get yourself lots of clear glass containers. All different shapes and sizes. You probably have a bunch at home and even things like wide mouthed jars will work. The trick is to keep all the containers in the same color scheme or medium. Put out your favorite childhood chips in different bowls add some giant pixie sticks to a clear glass vase and some M&Ms with a little scoop in a jar. If you have fun with it, your guests will too.

For desserts, there is nothing better than a hostess cupcake. There are eleventybillion recipes for homemade versions if you’re game and if not, just buy yourself a few boxes. You can opt for the 100 calorie packs that have itty-bitty cupcakes (their cuteness factor is off the charts) and you can do a variety of things like those mini powdered or chocolate covered donates, twinkies, and snowballs. Just use different cake stands or pedestals for each item you choose. Keep all the twinkies on one stand, all the cupcakes on another and so on. If you keep each one uniform it will look surprisingly elegant. You can set up a little area for all the desserts and candies and make it into a desser t bar.

Now for the pricey part—the drinks. Don’t even attempt to stock a full bar, it will just cost you a fortune and half the stuff won’t get used. Opt instead for a few signature drinks that match your theme. Guests will typically ask you if they can bring something, so suggest they bring the alcohol of their choice and that way you’ll end up with more than enough. Now for your beverage options, once again think retro. How about some cherry or vanilla cokes? Mix regular or diet coke with flavored rums, amaretto or even whipped cream vodka. Keep a couple maraschino cherries on hand to complete the drink. Orange Juice plus whipped cream vodka makes something surprisingly like an Orange Julius or a creamsicle. You could go with a large punch bowl with some kool-aid as a base and build from there. (And just as an aside—cherry cool-aid slushie mix will cover the taste of even 90 proof alcohol.) Some hard cider, hard lemonade or hard iced tea give a childhood vibe as well. And since there’s always room for Jello, don’t forget the Jello shots. You know your crowd best so adjust your choices to the types of drinks you think they’ll enjoy.

If possible use some real appetizer plates, real glasses and cloth napkins. You can get sets of 5 appetizer plates for as little as $4.99 from TJ Maxx, Target and Pier1. Using real stuff helps balance out the adult evening with the kid stuff. Plus they are a small investment that you can use for lots of future get-togethers.

For entertainment, have some old school boardgames around and don’t be surprised when they turn into drinking games and get uber competitive. If you have a Wii, get ready for some guitar hero or bowling competitions. Just turn the TV back in time for the big ball drop.

Cheers to booze, sugar, and friends! Happy New Year!

The Lies Flowers Tell Us

Magazines are illustrations of pretty myths that companies want us to believe are the norm, so that we’ll buy more expensive luxury items. The truth is what we see is only normal for the 1% of the population with high enough salaries to not worry about things like mortgages and the rising cost of public transportation. The first magazine myth that always bothered me was the idea that everyone should *splurge* on fresh flowers and have them around the house/apartment at all times. I can’t tell you in how many times I’ve read that same sentiment, flipping through the glossy photos of perfectly “antiqued” side tables holding gorgeous blooms that say the owner is romantic and chic and appreciates natural beauty despite their overwhelming collection of throw pillows. It’s the glamour of a hotel room, but in your own home. Lies! All lies! Unless you are willing to grow yourself a lovely flower garden in which to clip those beauties, most people don’t (and can’t) have those kinds of arrangements hanging around all the time.

It doesn’t help to watch shows like “The Barefoot Contessa” where teams of gay men descend on her home in the Hamptons to erect tablescapes, palm trees (for beach picnics of course) and sweeping floral arrangements for fresh seafood dinners. Now for the rest of us mere mortals who do not live in the Hamptons or have a gay pride parade’s worth of florists ready to satisfy our horticultural whims, there are some simple ways to put together beautiful arrangements for those special occasions.

So here’s my first suggestion. This one is for those special times when you have company coming or would like to give a nice floral arrangement as a gift. If you’re in a big city, your local bodega type shop sells bunches of flowers from $4 to $12. For those of you in the burbs and places elsewhere, you can grab bunches from the grocery store. (Trader Joes also has lovely flowers at an inexpensive price). There are two routes to take in making your arrangements look professional without much artistic talent: 1. All in the same color tone/family 2. Completely bright contrasting colors. No mixing of different pastels allowed here. And nearly anything can be a vase, from oversized glasses to old pasta jars and teapots. Always save nicely shaped jars and bottles. Wine bottles can make great bud vases, particularly when they are in a striking color (like those cobalt blue ones).

Trim down the flowers to the length that works for your vase of choice and start arranging. Don’t overthink it. If you’d like the flowers bunched tightly together, you can use a rubberband to hold the stems together or even a metal paperclip you undo and use as wire. The rubberband trick is great if you have all the same type of flower. A tightly bunched together group of flowers in a simple vase will come off as quite modern. Since I recently had some friends over for dinner I decided to splurge on some fresh flowers. En route home I stopped at a bodega and picked up a few bunches. I decided I wanted something unusual and they had these cabbage-esque flowers for $10 labeled as Brassica, (although I’m not convinced that’s what they were). I also picked up a small bunch of Statice for $4 and a bunch of unlabeled red berries for $5. My Grand total topped out at $19.00 and with tax $20.00. I could have easily stopped with just the Brassica and only one of the other kind which would have stopped my costs at $14 or $15.

I used a vase I had that I picked up long ago in the clearance section at Pottery Barn for just a couple dollars. They are a great place to visit right after a big holiday or end of season. You can pick up lots of little decorating items for next to nothing. I’ve gotten things like candle holders for less than a dollar there.

Here’s how my arrangement turned out.

I didn’t use any sort of floral foam or other fussy business. Just the purchased flowers and vase. This same arrangement would work well in a large clear jar or any other clear or white container you might have. If you choose a mixed assortment of flowers from the grocery, use some bud vases, wine bottles or tall glasses and make several arrangements grouping the flowers into either the same color/tone or the contrast. A row of three small arrangements grouped down the table will look unique and fresh.

For a regular run of the mill day when you don’t want to spend even $15 bucks on flowers, opt for the kind that keep on giving—flowering plants. Take a stop in the garden section of your grocery store. There is always some small flowering plant on sale in the $4.99 – $6.99 range. When you bring it home tuck it into a basket or whatever pretty container you have. Whitewashed baskets and terracotta pots give it a great look—if it’s a small plant tucking it into a teapot can give it a whimsical Alice in Wonderland feel. For a plant that’s lovely and practical, get a rosemary tree. It will give off a clean scent and you can snip branches for cooking.

The last and most practical suggestion is to skip flowers and move onto fruits. Simple glass cylinders filled with all the same fruit or veggie can be a very striking visual and they are useful to boot. Green granny smith apples, cheerful lemons or even tomatoes can be elevated by moving them from a basket to a large cylindrical type vase. For the holidays you can often get scraps of pine trees from the live tree lots for either nothing or next to nothing and would work great in various arrangements.

With a couple dollars and a little creativity you can have an arrangement any gay florist from the Hamptons would envy.